E32: Money Inside Your Marriage

Join us this week as we revisit a thought-provoking episode where Eric Scovill engages in a conversation with Jeff Miller about the profound impact of money on marriages. Jeff Miller, a highly experienced licensed therapist with close to three decades of practice, is the co-owner of Glen Manor Counseling and serves as the chairman of the elder board at Northwoods Community Church. Whether you're hearing this for the first or second time, tune in as Jeff sheds light on the significance of money within the context of marriage.

Here are some topics from today’s discussion:

• Understanding the different needs in a relationship and the role of money
• The flawed mentality of tying success to a perfect life
• Recognizing true worth in relationships
• The importance of setting up ground rules for conflict
• Financial union in marriage
• How money can impact intimacy

 

Episode Highlights:

[07:33] The Flawed Mentality of Tying Success to a Perfect Life and Recognizing True Worth in Relationships

Many men tie their sense of success to their wife's happiness and having the appearance of a perfect life. However, this mentality is flawed because it does not address the underlying issues that occur behind closed doors. The goal should be to work on the root issues instead of merely painting a facade of a perfect life. Men are often taught that their worth lies in what they do, rather than who they are. This leads to them walling off their hearts, numbing their emotions, and ultimately damaging their relationships. To break free from this mindset and realize their true worth, men need to recognize that their role as a provider, protector, or caregiver goes beyond just earning money. It takes intentional effort to reflect, evaluate, and communicate with vulnerability and openness. 

[23:57] The Importance of Setting Up Ground Rules for Conflict

Setting up ground rules for conflict is crucial in any relationship. It affirms the value of the relationship and sends a message that it matters. By establishing ground rules, we are essentially saying that we are not going away and that we value the other person. Ground rules provide safety and security, which everyone needs in a relationship. Without ground rules, there is no safety, and this can lead to fear of rejection and abandonment. Ground rules don't have to be elaborate, just two or three points can be enough. 

[26:24] Financial Union in Marriage

According to the biblical context of marriage, two individuals become one when they leave their families and cleave to each other. This oneness entails sexual and intimate connection, but also financial union. Keeping money separately may lead to power struggles and control issues within the marriage. Trusting each other with finances and working together as a union is crucial in building a healthy and successful relationship. A woman will have no problem submitting to a man who is in submission to the Holy Spirit and to her. However, if she sees him making selfish decisions that do not consider the best interest of their family, it becomes harder for her to submit. Women typically operate from an emotional framework and fear being hurt or left behind, making money a significant representation of trust and security in a relationship.

[28:59] How Mony Can Impact Intimacy

Money can have a significant impact on intimacy within a marriage. It can reveal power dynamics, communication issues, and emotional needs. Different views on money due to family backgrounds require open communication and compromise. Unhealthy money behaviors can lead to a lack of emotional and physical intimacy because keeping finances separate can indicate a lack of trust and unity. Focusing on careers can also detract from emotional intimacy and place too much value on external measures like income.

Resources:

• Glen Manor Counseling