E13: The Impact of Money Inside of Marriage: Understanding Needs, Recognizing Worth, and Setting Ground Rules for Conflict

Last week, Eric Scovill sat down with Jeff Miller and they talked about ways to help you get healthy with money on an individual level. But this is impossible until you get healthy yourself first. In other words, you have to heal from the inside out. It’s something most people really struggle with, and they don't even know they're struggling with it. This week, we are going after the impact of money inside of marriage. Jeff Miller is the co-owner of Glen Manor Counseling and has been a licensed therapist for almost 30 years. Jeff is also the chairman of the elder board at Northwoods Community Church.

Here are some topics from today’s discussion:

• Understanding the different needs in a relationship and the role of money
• The flawed mentality of tying success to a perfect life
• Recognizing true worth in relationships
• The importance of setting up ground rules for conflict
• Financial union in marriage
• How money can impact intimacy

 

Episode Highlights:

[06:27] The Flawed Mentality of Tying Success to a Perfect Life and Recognizing True Worth in Relationships

Many men tie their sense of success to their wife's happiness and having the appearance of a perfect life. However, this mentality is flawed because it does not address the underlying issues that occur behind closed doors. The goal should be to work on the root issues instead of merely painting a facade of a perfect life. Men are often taught that their worth lies in what they do, rather than who they are. This leads to them walling off their hearts, numbing their emotions, and ultimately damaging their relationships. To break free from this mindset and realize their true worth, men need to recognize that their role as a provider, protector, or caregiver goes beyond just earning money. It takes intentional effort to reflect, evaluate, and communicate with vulnerability and openness. While it may be challenging, it is crucial for building healthy and fulfilling relationships.

[23:51] The Importance of Setting Up Ground Rules for Conflict

Setting up ground rules for conflict is crucial in any relationship. It affirms the value of the relationship and sends a message that it matters. By establishing ground rules, we are essentially saying that we are not going away and that we value the other person. Ground rules provide safety and security, which everyone needs in a relationship. Without ground rules, there is no safety, and this can lead to fear of rejection and abandonment. Ground rules don't have to be elaborate, just two or three points can be enough. It's important for every couple to have their own set of ground rules to ensure safety and create a healthy foundation for communication.

[26:51] Financial Union in Marriage

According to the biblical context of marriage, two individuals become one when they leave their families and cleave to each other. This oneness entails sexual and intimate connection, but also financial union. Keeping money separately may lead to power struggles and control issues within the marriage. Trusting each other with finances and working together as a union is crucial in building a healthy and successful relationship. A woman will have no problem submitting to a man who is in submission to the Holy Spirit and to her. However, if she sees him making selfish decisions that do not consider the best interest of their family, it becomes harder for her to submit. Women typically operate from an emotional framework and fear being hurt or left behind, making money a significant representation of trust and security in a relationship.

YouTube Description:

Check out this week's episode where Eric Scovill and Jeff Miller discuss the impact of money inside of marriage. Jeff, a licensed therapist for almost 30 years and co-owner of Glen Manor Counseling, is also the chairman of the elder board at Northwoods Community Church. They dive deep into how healing from the inside out is crucial to achieving financial wellness as a couple. 

[03:16] Money or wealth as an issue of power

[05:19] The role of a husband in a Godly marital relationship

[06:27] The flawed mentality of tying success to a perfect life and recognizing true worth in relationships 

[15:52] Why we fake intimacy

[22:50] The importance of setting ground rules for conflict

[25:17] How money is about power and control

[27:53] How money can impact intimacy

[30:33] How money becomes a symptom of other issues

[35:51] The importance of taking time to slow down

 

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